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At the end of it all . . .

My fast has come to an end, and I am thankful that I have got through it. This final week I have been in a kind of funk mentally. I am at a point now that I am no longer going to put on a happy face anymore. When I am hurting I will no longer pretend that everything is good.

My fast ends on the last day of 2018 and everything is coming to an end, and I mean everything. I am no longer holding in feelings for those that I have been holding back from to spare feelings. Long term friendship turned situationship and never anything more has to come to an end. Through my fast I realized that it is not good for me mentally and emotionally. I have held on to him for so many years because even though feelings are suppressed they always come rushing back all for nothing. When someone knows that you love them and at one point in-love with them and they use that for that advantage is not good; I realize now no one deserves to go through emotional and mental woes. I am going to let everything out, no holds bars and leave all of that and him in the year 2018. I am at the end everything and all ties to him.

I have been holding on to guilt for 6 years from a guy that I really like. Through this fast I have realized that I have to forgive myself and not hold on to the guilt anymore. I will let this guy no what I have been hiding from him for so many years and also that I have been feeling him and the secret that I have been holding holding on to is the reason we have been stagnant for so long I feel like I can't interact with him anymore until I let him know that when we were in college that he fathered a baby with me and that I secretly got an abortion. I have felt so guilty for hiding that from him all these years. I know that it is a possibility that he may no longer want to associate with me anymore, and if that what happens then that is meant to be. I have to end all the guilt and leave it in 2018.

I have realized finally how to fully love myself and understand my value. I have to be true to myself and all the way honest. Honesty is key, I realize that now. I am so grateful that my fast have shown me so much and has revealed throughout my fast. Self-reflection is always a must for me I have to continue to reflect upon myself and meditate. After this fast I will continue to talk to God and do daily devotionals.

At the end of this fast and at the end of this year I am putting the negative energy and people to an end , putting the the feelings that I hide to an end. Lastly I am putting my lack of self worth and self love to en end.

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